I bet that got your attention! This is what I feel like about America today. I found it on this blog. Read it for a funny/sick story that better illustrates my feelings about my homeland.

Anyway....

I have never once in my adult life worn a Medium in any size of clothes. Suddenly today I went to three different stores, tried on three different types of clothing, and was a medium in all three. Not just barely a medium, but a medium with room to spare. I'm stumped.

I have not shrunk. I still am 5'11 1/2", 175 pounds, with a 32 or 33 inch waist and 32 inch inseam. The stats have not changed since my junior year of high school. If anything my upper body has increased in bulk around the shoulders this year from a stint of rampant bench press and pull-up insanity during the summer. I think mabye I am just behind the times. Rather than putting on an extra 35 pounds of KFC blubber I have stayed my same size. The nation, however, has not.

Exhibit A: Mississippi is the Fattest State of the Union (And the Brits are Laughing at us for it)

Exhibit B: The BBC is able to find people dumb enough to not realize that their weight is a problem.

There is another explanation but it doesn't make as much sense to me. I was looking for winter running clothes and a pair of snowpants to sled with my son. Mabye outdoor and activewear are sized larger since you might need to layer under them. Still, the large snowpants from Gander Mountain were a full 4 inches too big around the waist (They didn't have a fitting room). Do people often wear down long underwear the thickness of a feather tick under their insulated snowpants?

The Under Armour stuff I looked at, however, is a base layer so it shouldn't be affected by layering. I was still a medium in that as well. That almost makes sense since the model they use to show the stuff off in the stores looks like he's about 6'8" 350, all muscle. Were he real he could break me like a twig using only his middle fingers. Under Armour brands themselves based on our schizophrenic belief that we normal folks actually have Adonis bodies that are flattered by the stuff, at the same time intimidating us into buying it based on the realization that we are inferior and the stuff will somehow help us achieve that stud body we dream of.

Overall I guess I don't mind. It means that I can look on the rack of clothes that are less picked over than the large section. Today it meant that I was able to get a new $150.00 track suit for $29.00 that wasn't available in size large.

It used to be that only women's clothes played these games of moving the size goalposts to flatter the fattest among us into buying lycra clothes that are frankly a disgrace to humanity in general. Now it has moved to mens clothes as well. I'm disgusted by our culture, but in this case it works to my advantage. And I'll outlive all of them to boot!

As an outro here is a piece of modern art that really gets to the heart of the issue for me. Something about a morbidly obese Porche 911 that makes me crack up deep inside.

Enter...Fat Car by Erwin Wurm.